Almost Famous

Cameron Crowe doesn’t want me.

At least, not yet.

I haven’t spoken a peep about this audition because I didn’t want to jinx it.  But now it doesn’t matter.  So here it goes:

I had an audition for Cameron Crowe’s new movie.  It was a big deal for me!  My name and Cameron Crowe’s name in the same sentence!!  And that sentence doesn’t start with “Last night, in my dreams…”

I auditioned once.

I auditioned twice.

I AUDITIONED THREE TIMES.

Every time I went in, I got more and more excited.

…One step closer to completely changing my life.

…One step closer to setting my career on the right path.

After the final callback I waited for my manager to call…

To tell me that I was her new favorite client. To say that I have not only changed my life but hers as well! That they are shutting down Santa Monica Blvd so they can throw me a parade!

Instead, the email (EMAIL – not even a call) went a little something like this:

Cameron went with some girl from Mad Men.  Let’s move on.

I received that email in rehearsal for acting class.

My first thought was:

Does this mean there’s not going to be a parade?

And my second thought went a little something like this:

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Followed by lots (and lots) of tears.

It was not pretty.

I’ve always admired those girls who look angelic when they cry.  They seem to let only one tear at a time slide down their perfect cheek as they gaze sadly off into the distance.

That’s not me.

My nose was running.  My eyes puffed up.  And my sobs sounded like a broken accordion.

Not to mention I was humiliated.

I mean, GOOD GOD!  How many roles have I lost out to someone else?!  (Ahem..almost all of them…)  And I could not pull it together!

I cried all the way down Laurel Canyon, all the way through my calls to the few people I did tell, and all the way until I fell asleep in my clothes eating saltine crackers and drinking wine on my bed.

I. WAS. A. MESS.

I’ve lost out on other big auditions.  I’ve had plenty of let downs and near-wins.  But the difference is that I wanted this so badly I could taste it.

And I didn’t get it.

And it sucks.  Hard.

But it got better…  Yesterday I only cried once!

And today I can even make jokes about it:

Cameron did not show me the money.
I did not have him at hello.

See?  I’m fine!!  These jokes are HILARIOUS!

Hahahahahaha!!!!!

Fuck.

Tags: Acting in LA, Almost Famous, Bad auditions, Big Audtions, Cameron Crowe, So close I could taste it, Starving artist, The War of Art, Tinseltown